Not fitting into that pretty little box

Sometimes it is weird for me when I think about being a lesbian in a committed relationship with a straight man.  I never expected this to happen.  He's the only man I've ever even been attracted to.  I'm not in love with him because he is a man...I am in love with him because he is a person.  For that reason I still consider myself a lesbian who doesn't fit into a pretty box.  So many of us who are LGBTQI don't fit into the pretty boxes so many of us try to make.  I've slept with other men before I met my fiance and for the most part...yuck, yuck, yuck!   Even the one man that wasn't revolting I still felt used, sore, and filthy.  With my fiance I don't.  I feel good.  Wonderful even.  But I've never looked at another man and felt that.  When I was starting high school I remember I didn't know what was wrong with me when I masturbated not to pictures of men, but to pictures of women.  Then when I got older I read lesbian erotica online instead of straight erotica.  I look for lesbian porn over straight porn.  I didn't know that two women could be in a loving relationship but I wished they could.  What I heard growing up was that "gay people will try to trick you into being satanic like them."  But I felt gay inside, even though at that time I heard that it was "evil" everyday from my parents.  I am a recovering self-injurer and when I felt "evil" for thinking gay girl thoughts I cut more to punish myself.  Two or three times growing up I told my mom I was a lesbian.  How I wish I could have found self-acceptance at that age.  My life would have been so different.  I would pick my fiance a million times over, but until then I could have had some wonderful relationships and not had to go through such a rough time coming out later.  I had a pen pal I met through about.com's lesbian site and she helped me work through my own coming out process and to realize that God loves me no matter my orientation, it doesn't matter to Him.

Cosmo...you're way off

I cancelled my Cosmo subscription and requested my money be returned for the issues I haven't received.  Big surprise...they are still sending me issues of the damn magazine.  I just recently picked up January's copy (or was it December's?) and read the "Bedside Astrology" section.  According to this my KEY TRAIT is "curiosity" and my GUILTY PLEASURE is "Scoping Guys."  I don't know why but I find this hilarious.  They are assuming all readers are straight.  Granted there is more about pleasing a man and I've only seen one article about a lesbian couple ever.  But I still don't think that they should always have the assumption that all readers are straight.  What about bisexual or gay women?  I'm in a committed relationship yet I still notice when a pretty girl walks by...whether she is a "lipstick lesbian," a "chapstick lesbian," as Ellen calls herself, or a "soft butch lesbian"...or even those hot straight girls that I can't help but wish would cross over to us lesbian chicks.  So...to end this post...our culture needs to stop assuming that all of us ladies are straight...'cause the best ones are not. ;-)